I'll let you in on my secrets for the perfect turkey

For some reason I had a hankering for a turkey dinner and thought I'd take you all on a journey that'll change your lives, for sure. Yes, I'm going to give away my secrets to the yummiest turkey ever tasted. OK now, pay close attention...

Secret #1: Brine, baby. Brine. Salt and brown sugar.

#2. Gotta bag that bird. It's a must. Trust me.

Secret #3 - Butter is your friend. Herbs too. Stick them in between the breasts and skin...deep in there. This part skeeves me out a bit, so I wear plastic gloves.

Secret #4 - Champagne. Seriously. Pour it all over the outside and inside the turkey...but save a cup or so for the next secret...it'll be good.

Secret #5 - Mix the remainder of the champagne with some good ol' fashioned OJ for a tasty Mimosa and you'll be good to go.

Oh, and a not-so-secret...I'm lame and don't own an actual champagne flute {cut me some slack, I'm not a drinker}. I do have a wine glass or two stashed in the cupboard. Yep, I am constantly keeping it classy.

Now if you're a lightweight drinker like me {seriously, I only drink a time or two a year max, and it's usually some barely there drink that makes me feel all floopy...just not my thing}, make sure you've tossed the bird in the oven before you start in on the drinking, or you'll forget to set the timer and forget how long the bird's been a cookin'...just a suggestion.

Once you get over that embarrassment you can stuff your face with the moistest turkey in all the land and soak up compliments from your guests, all the while acting like it's no big deal and you whip up deliciousness like this all the time. Yes, it's just that good.

Alright, now I've done all I can do for you...go, cook amazing turkeys, make me proud.